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Editor’s note: The Adirondack Explorer newsmagazine ran an editorial about Donald Trump in its January/February issue. After it appeared, the following email appeared in Tad Welch’s inbox. We’re not sure why. All we know is that Tad’s reply was routed through a Russian server.
Every day before my Twitter storms I admire photos of me from the opposition party media. Saw the one in the Adirondack Explorer. Sad. Make it bigger next time, okay? Maybe a centerfold. I do great centerfolds.
Never heard of the Adirondack Park before Kellyanne told me. “Where is it?” I said. “Up north,” she said. So I took a look from my office on the 437th floor. Only saw an incredible reflection of me in the gold-tinted glass. That and the Bronx.
Decided to take a road trip and see the Park for myself. Maybe make a huge real estate deal while I’m there. Kellyanne drove. She has two driver’s licenses to go with the two states where she votes.
I told Kellyanne, “Take me somewhere that sounds big and powerful.” So she set the GPS for Lyon Mountain village. Great choice. Amazing choice. I mean, what’s stronger and bigger that a lion and a mountain? Ha!! Trick question. I am!!
Couldn’t believe the carnage when I got there. Hollowed out mines and rusting tombstones. That’s right – stones rust. Happens all the time. But it’s a nice village, even if the name is misspelled.
BTW, Kellyanne took a wrong turn on the way through Clinton (nasty woman) County and ended up in Merrill (over-rated actress). Loser names. Terrible.
Stopped at the Iron Ore (or what?) Market. Excellent name. Bet they sell only American made iron. I have plenty from China so got gas and Tic Tacs instead. The woman behind the counter seemed unimpressed by my hugeness. Suspect she’s near-sighted. That or she has a daughter.
Decided to break the ice and said, “What do you folks up here need from me?” “Nothing,” the woman said. “We take care of ourselves.” Then a customer said, “Why don’t you get rid of the black flies?”
“Consider it done!” I said. “We’ll build a wall to keep the bugs out. Make it out of iron from this market.” I was sounding fabulous. “We’ll make the black flies pay for it, along with bugs of every other color. But not the white ones.”
Then I had another tremendous idea. People have no idea how many really tremendous ideas I have. I said to the woman, “What you need is something in the Park besides a wall that’s really big.” Without looking at me (she must need glasses or something) the woman said, “We already do. Marcy.”
Hmm, I thought. Marcy sounds like a hugely important person. “Kellyanne,” I said, “Invite Marcy to the Tower sometime.” Kellyanne didn’t hear me. She was already outside, lying prone where she’d slipped on the ice.
I left the Adirondacks feeling larger than the Park. And to the folks I met I say this: I alone will bring back your coal mining jobs. I, Donald, will return the lions to the mountain. Believe me. The coming change will, like me, be amazing. Amazing and unpresidented.
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Not funny. Stupid, really.
I agree. And I advertise with the explorer. May have to reconsider. Apparently, they don’t care that more people voted for President Trump (that’s right, not “Mister” as the lamestream media persists in referring to him) right here in the Adks than the other candidate.
We all know the “so-called president” has no sense of humor. Was hoping a few supporters did, though. In the words of Mark Twain, “It is easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.”
Not really more people but more electoral votes elected him. Popular vote no.
Kathy, I think (with the exception of a few places) in and around the Adirondacks Trump actually got more votes than Clinton. He had very strong support in upstate NY.
Yes, she certainly won more votes statewide and got all of our electoral college votes.
Here is a break down by county.
http://www.nytimes.com/elections/results/new-york
As far as the electoral college and the popular vote nationwide. I saw this on the Post.
Mrs. Clinton did get more pears in what was an apple picking race.
That’s why I have a Hornbeck. #boycottplacidboatworks
This is GREAT…
Phew……I panicked when I saw this headline!!!
Please keep the Adirondacks hidden from Trump! Shhhhh!!!
Very clever.
Thank you for making me smile.
. .. or, as Saranac Lakers would say, “Happy Carnival”.
Hilarious! And spot on.
I’ve been reading Ron Powers’ brilliant biography of Mark Twain. No doubt W. Epaminondas Adrastus Blab would have approved.
This was Bigly. The best.
First, I think Trump has already qualified for the worst President ever but we still should give him some time to solidify the position.
However, I come to Adirondack Almanac for a respite from national politics. After all, we went eight years without any Obama jokes.
If I wanted to hear this stuff all I would have to do is listen to CNN for a couple of hours.
I didn’t see anything overly political – mostly jabs at his personality. He demands attention and he gets it.
Somehow it’s always appropriate to mock those whom we disagree. As witty as this article is, can we please refrain from politics and stick with what unites and not divides such as the beauty and mutual love for the Adirondacks?
Wow Catherine. You thought that was witty??
Well, I can disagree with the content & still be respectful. So, yes, if you are anti- Trump, I’m sure it’s both witty & hilarious.
I say let us leave all doors open please Catherine and George! It’s all related to the problems we’re facing whether it be in the Adirondacks or wherever in the world. Let us not suppress please thank you!
I agree Charles- I would not want to suppress differing views. Unfortunately, people are not respectful in their disagreements anymore and would hate to see the ADK Almanac resemble what is now a constant fued and outlet for dissension like on FB and other social media outlets. It’s nice to have a place of commonality for once- or so I thought.
I hope he dosent Bring back coal. I like breathing CLEAN AIR. Solar power is great. I haven’t paid so much for my electronic in so long.
Best money i spent.
Liz,
I grew up with a coal furnace. Nothing like black snow… But we always had cinders for the driveway.
Can’t believe you would print this garbage!
Wow! Libtards everywhere it seems.
What is a Libtard?
If you don’t know, you prolly are one.
What is a prolly?
Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. I needed that!
Hmmmm – the comments show the GREAT DIVIDE in the country today. Who’s gonna close that? It isn’t just politics – 10 million men (that’s men, not including women) don’t work at all. They’ve left the job market. They live on disability, family, welfare and underground work. The economy is twisted and has been for 40 years. 12% of job loss is Globalization, 88% is productivity and automation losses – all well and good, but no administration including this one has ANY answers to this primary social schism. Everyone remembers the one income household – enough for a house, a car, a truck, college for the kids. They want it back, and they’re looking for Trump to spearhead it.
Where does he stand on Boreas Ponds?
Actually Jim, as stupid as this article is, it was a welcome respite from a seemingly unending stream of Boreas Ponds articles.
Anywhere he wants…
… Donnie thinks he’s Jesus…
He wants to put a hotel where Finch Pruyn’s lodge was.
Perhaps he is trying to hawk Ivanka’s clothing line to the Mountaineer. Stylish hiking in the Adirondacks. It could be good. I’ve seen many fashion faux pas on the trails.
Respect, caring attitudes, and a sense of responsibility CAN bring us all together, even our leaders. See the humor for what it is. Let’s unite and move on, healing our differences to strengthen our great nation!!
Go ahead, get political, and loose 50% of your readership with stupid stuff like this. President Trump has accomplished more in one week of his life than you probably have in your entire life.
I assume this is parody…
… as Trump has accomplished nothing other than having to take all his actions back to the drawing board…
This was obviously a spoof. I’m not a Donald Trump supporter, but do feel you should not have published this ‘fake news’ without a disclaimer that it was a parody. Very disappointed — you are simply adding to the problem.
Michael Clark is on the money!…………..Unbelievable to anyone with an ounce of common sense and absolutely stupid!! The ADK. Almanac should be ashamed of itself for even printing such ridiculous drivel…….must be a shortage of copy??
Folks…this is squarely within the tradition of American journalism, in keeping with the writings of Mark Twain in Hannibal, Mo or Andy Borowitz at the New Yorker. Celebrate the culture and speak to our differences, but don’t denigrate our most important traditions!
“Unbelievable to anyone with an ounce of common sense and absolutely stupid!!”
Exactly! It is untrue! It is satire! A parody!
I guess many readers here don’t get out much. Seems like Trump AND his supporters are quite sensitive to anything but flattery and praise. I suggest they get used to it. This ain’t no game show.
Little worried about the people that would need to be told it was a parody or satire.
Open minds stay open Tim they don’t try to close doors….
Stupid! People who try to suppress others because they disagree. Yes stupid!
We might as well have a good laugh for we will soon be crying. My husband and I enjoyed the chuckle this morning. Thanks
Sorry to be duped into even looking at this.
Adirondack Explorer shouldn’t engage in this type of poorly worded satire..it’s getting harder and harder to distinguish between fake news and real news. Focus on what’s important, protecting the communities and the environment of the Adirondack Park. Big government is a failure…it helps no one but enriches the corrupt politicians on both sides of the aisle. As a wetland scientist I hate the term “drain the swamp” but I agree with the sentiment. Government has failed us. The future of the Park rests in the hands of those local communities and committed conservationists who can find common ground to move forward together despite the inaction and corruption of Albany and Washington DC.
It is the right, nay the duty, of all citizens to keep their government in check.
Let the trumpets sound! We are at war with the world! Build walls around every airport. Lets stop foreigners from entering our country. Stop the Muslims from taking over of our country. We need to alienate our allies, they are not true to us. Stop those bloody cannucks from having their say. Build a wall between us and them! Lets get rid of the old people, they don’t do anything but sap our strength. Hate the mexicans! They don’t belong in our country. Hell nuke them and be done with it. I trumpet the call to world war! Kill, kill, kill…Yes, you see, I actually support our glorious leader making America Great by being the only power in the world. Heil Trump! Heil Hitler! Lets do it! we do not need others, and death camps, oops, labor camps, will silence them.
Hey Scottvanlaer. Remember that definition you were asking for up above.This is it.
It’s thinly-veiled anger disguised as humor.
Beneath the Adirondack Almanack – stick to what you do best – nature, recreation, history, art, environment and food. This sophomoric attempt at satire is pathetic.
Hilarious! And very well done. Thanks!
Stupid article!
It will be interesting when the fraudulent use of Charitable Remainder Trusts is dismantled and Nature Conservancy is put out of business. A new awareness is just beginning and Cuomo will be indicated.
I would expect something like this to be published in a high school or community college newspaper. Whomever thought it was like Mark Twain has obviously never really read Mark Twain. He was so much cleverer than this sophomoric attempt at humor. Please stick with stories about nature, we can get politics anywhere.
“Whomever thought it was like Mark Twain has obviously never really read Mark Twain.”
I don’t believe he was referring to ‘Tom Sawyer’. When Clemens/Twain wrote newspaper copy he was one of the first people to lampoon people in this fashion. He didn’t hold back his contempt of some personalities of the day.
Bravo Tad!
Making a mockery of leaders who make a mockery of governing could not be more appropriate. We’ve put a bold-faced liar and an overt narcissist in the White House and that impacts everyone in the US – even those of us who enjoy life tucked away in the mountains. That’s worth pointing out.
America has real concerns to address and the answers will be neither simple nor easy – that’s why they remain unresolved. Replacing statesmanship with brinksmanship, grossly oversimplifying real problems and creating imaginary ones, and marginalizing the truth at every opportunity only deepens the “us and them” mentality that drives our frustration and anger. History provides abundant examples of the horrific results when we embrace this path.
The more righteously indignant we become, buoyed by whatever ideology we might hold dear; the more we shut out others and hate them for not seeing things from our perspective; and the more we seek easy answers because we want it now, the deeper the divide will become. We are going backwards and the gravity of this is evident in the unprecedented rift we find within our country. The “win at all costs” mentality we’ve been sold appeals only to those who’ve failed to consider that winners can’t exist without losers. In this context there are always far more losers than winners, and the cost of losing can be unfathomable. Moreover, the losers don’t go away; they simply become more emboldened. Donald Trump dares us to jump from the frying pan into the fire, just to find out how hot it might be. We can do better.
Democracy requires that we place values and compromise ahead of outcomes. In the interest of not tearing each other to pieces we give up something we cherish, and others do the same. Fairness of the process is far more important than the outcome. Nobody “wins” but we avoid everyone losing. The alternative is hate and anger. Do we really need to do this conflict thing again? Have we learned nothing from history? If Donald Trump’s antics make you feel empowered, ask yourself whether that’s really the kind of power you’d want to exercise. Then, if you live in the park, take a look out your window and remind yourself of how fortunate you are to live here. Bravo Tad.
Well said!
Great job Tad!
Relieved the sadness for a moment.
“If we cannot poke fun at ourselves, then we are a sad lot, indeed.” – Randy Fredlund, who obviously also has a big ego.
Though we all certainly have the right to decry the sentiment, if you cannot see the humor in this post, you might want to ask if you are taking things too seriously. And if you decide that you must resort to name calling instead of logical objection, you may want to ask why you feel the need.
I encourage the Explorer to provide equal time. What about the planned Women’s March up Grace Peak? Or perhaps a Chuck Schumer email could be intercepted, for crying out loud.
… never a dull moment. Resist with the media tool Trump has no chops for, humor!!!
It’s truly sad when we lose our sense of humor. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, what matters is not the subject, but how well it is executed. The essence of parody is to use imitation and exaggeration to lampoon a subject or person, and since Trump does, in fact, speak like this, I thought Tad hit the contextual bulls eye, and gave us all a good chuckle.
This is so lame, Tad. ‘Amazing!’
This article was a Tad too much for the likes of me.
You are potentially pissing off half of your potential business, Tad Welch, lodge owner. You are apparently a leftist clown and like most of your ilk a pseudo-intellectual jerk. I’ve been following the Adirondack Almanack for the historic info that I could get from articles but I can see that it is just another lib-left agenda site and I don’t care to read anything further. Continue to cater to your down-state urban clientele. You and your writers are a truly laughable lot. Parting is such sweet sorrow Lol.
george,
You get what you pay for. Enjoy the reactionary bubble.
Have your laughing muscles atrophied?
Bitter, much?
Please stand with me and boycott Budwiser
Well said, George. He’s akin to the leftist elite and would be well at home in New York City. I’ve ended my subscription to the AA. Good riddance!
“Leftist clown” and “pseudo-intellectual jerk”…Hmmm…
I can’t agree with your comment, Forrest. While the content of the message may be accurate, depending upon point of view, name calling is never “Well said.” And if we turn off all input that we don’t agree with, it is unlikely that we will solve our mutual problems.
I am amazed that, after winning the election, POTUS supporters are still so very angry. Reject the article, don’t even read it, but to get worked up about it? I do not understand. One thing I think is pretty clear: POTUS folks need some distance. They seem to take offense as easily as their leader does. Sad.
merry,
I think it is perfectly understandable. A president was elected based on his anger, hatred, and impossible promises. Anger fuels anger – and fear – on both sides. Until POTUS makes an effort to comfort instead of rile, anger and fear will only increase.
I feel that not everyone who voted for Trump is a so-called right wing supporter, or that those who didn’t are not all so-called leftists. There’s a a lot of us in the middle who don’t really care much about politics but voted for either candidate thinking they were choosing the lesser of two evils. Those in the middle don’t get much attention as it doesn’t make for good arguments and banter in social media or news headlines for that matter.
Dan,
Excellent point! The election is over, and the choices have been made. How should “middle” citizens proceed to help bring the extremes closer to center, or is it impossible? For at least the next 2-4 years we will likely need to rely on the Congress and Supreme Court to moderate the course of the country. But with a Supreme Court appointment stolen from the previous administration, the path ahead will likely continue to be contentious. Until the press catches up with them, people of the middle will need to make their wishes known by demonstration, the telephone, and mid-term voting.
POTUS supporters are angry??? Wow, merry, you are seriously delusional. We’re not the ones hiring criminals to ‘protest’ everything in sight. The way they do it, protest is a synonym for destroying property, assaulting people, shouting down speakers, etc, etc. I’m having fun with all this stuff they’re saying about our President. I’m really going to enjoy watching you all go crazy for the next 4 (8?) years.
I think merry was talking about the TONE of the POTUS supporters. Statements like “Hiring criminals to ‘protest’ everything in sight.” is but one example.
Can’t merry speak for himself?
Prolly. I am just enjoying the hell out of this.
Me too, Boreas, me too!
I think the AA got more mileage out of this than they anticipated. I have seen more NEW commenters on this article that I have never seen before.
Duh – make that EVER seen before…
You must have small hands also.
JohnL:
Still waiting for my check.
What is POTUS?
Trump has no respect for the environment other than as a resource to be exploited and used up. He deserves to be called out and satirized openly and often by those who truly care.
Wayno,
Agreed. I don’t know if Donald has ever been in the woods or stood on soil instead of pavement. After EPA has been gutted, environmental protections rolled back, and exploitative industries coddled, the AA will remain one of my main sources of information for the Park. AA, please continue the conversation, warts and all.
Wally says: ” In the words of Mark Twain, “It is easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.”
Very good wally! Very true!
George says: “First, I think Trump has already qualified for the worst President ever…”
Give him time George. So far GW Bush has been the worse by far. At least since I’ve been on planet earth.
James Marco says: “Stop the Muslims from taking over of our country…Build a wall between us and them! Hate the mexicans! Hell nuke them and be done with it….
Kill, kill, kill… Lets do it! we do not need others…
>> I like your humor James but all kidding aside nobody is asking why it is that our country is threatened by terrorists in the first place. Nobody talks about the terrorism that the conservatives (Trump supporters) rallied for when GW Bush said “Let’s bomb Iraq even though we know Saudi Arabians are the ones that killed all of those people in the World Trade Center.” Nobody is talking about how that side of the world has been in shambles ever since and how American policies which the conservatives support created the threats of terrorism that we now face!!! Is it not ironic how they’re all for building walls to keep out the very people whose lives are shattered due to the very things they supported in the first place? Isn’t it #@!king ironic?
Talk about stupid! And there’s just no getting through to them! You can pick them right out of the crowd….they use words or phrases like ‘ Libtards’ or ‘leftist clown’ or ‘lib-left agenda.’ Please please keep up what you do Adirondack Almanack no matter what it is and don’t be intimidated by these fools who are anti every thing that is good for the common man and this planet earth!
…….”Nobody is talking about how that side of the world has been in shambles ever since and how American policies which the conservatives support created the threats of terrorism that we now face!!! “….
It isn’t simply Conservatives that create threats of terrorism, it’s anyone ignorant enough to support belief in any religion let alone Islam, at present the most deadly of all of them.
Boreas says: “Seems like Trump AND his supporters are quite sensitive to anything but flattery and praise. I suggest they get used to it. This ain’t no game show.”
Yes and we know you have more than just an inkling of smarts about you Boreas thank you!
Michael Turtle says: ” The future of the Park rests in the hands of those local communities and committed conservationists who can find common ground to move forward together despite the inaction and corruption of Albany and Washington DC.”
The inaction and corruption of our corporate puppet millionaire leaders effects all of us and the Adirondack Park Michael….especially when you consider how the instability created by their policies may very well bring on more and more instability even closer to home. And when you think about Trump’s support for upping nukes you must know the guy has a few screws loose which is not that all uncommon for a Tory!
We’re all in this together. Like Redd Foxx once said….”If there’s a nuclear war we’re all gonna be black.”
George says: “Tad Welch, lodge owner. You are apparently a leftist clown and like most of your ilk a pseudo-intellectual jerk.”
Serious question George. What would you rather have? A leftist clown or a right wing terrorist?
Charlie, did you forget to take your medicine again?
Some Libtards cry fake tears while others shout “What difference does it make, now”? —
and some are definitely off their medications.
Wow this guy gets so much attention! He got so much free advertising during the campaign that is probably a big reason why he won.
George says “Tad Welch, lodge owner. You are apparently a leftist clown and like most of your ilk a pseudo-intellectual jerk.” The statement shows how assumptions skew impressions – you’ve jumped to conclusions because it seems you are more apt to judge than to listen.
Did you bother to take a moment to look up Tanager Lodge (not a lodge) Children’s Camp on the internet?
It speaks for itself and speaks for the author of this article who has clearly dedicated much of his professional life teaching generations of children to appreciate and protect their environment and to respect the people with whom they share this world.
Great post. I look forward to the mark twain like satire on Nancy Pelosi or Chuck Scheumer. i bet you could find a lot of funny things to say about them my fair and balanced friend. Or while your at it I can’t find your mark twain like satire on Obama. Please look and post it for us to read. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander.
Please don’t hold your breath, Mike from Indian Lake. It’ll be a looooonnnnng while before they go the fair and balanced route.
Actually, LESS people voted for astersik-president Bannon
Sad.
I wish to thank Almanack readers for the many comments.
My motivation in writing “Tweets From the Tower” is rooted in the belief that satire has a useful place in political discourse. When satire is directed at the politicians that I support it can be a valuable test of my level of comfort with my political views and personal ideals. If parody unsettles me it may mean that I am not fully in agreement with the person or political party that I have helped to empower. If that is the case, it is important to either re-evaluate my political decisions or work to change that which I find unacceptable. I need to remember that when I legitimize a person through my vote I accept responsibility for every aspect of that person, not just the parts that I am most comfortable with. That choice defines who I am, and I own all of it.
We may learn to be more thoughtful about our political choices by considering how climbers make decisions in the mountains. Clear-minded risk assessment is of vital importance to me as a climber. Facts are just that and I ignore them at my peril. I must never put my rope mates in danger or jeopardize their futures because it suits my needs and viewpoint. The same holds true away from the mountains where a rope of seemingly infinite length connects me to strangers of all ethnicities, languages, and beliefs – and to generations yet unborn.
I thank the Adirondack Almanack for the opportunity that it has provided us to have, on the whole, a civil exchange of ideas that will hopefully lead to a better understanding of what we have in common.
Tad, you are amazing. My sister (Olivia 🙂 ) showed me this today and I just wanted to say that this satire piece is well written, as is your comment. I can only hope that many of the disgruntled commenters have read your reply. I’ve always considered you very wise.
I enjoyed your climbing metaphor.
All the best!
Nicely done….certainly one of the most interesting and provocative reads I’ve encountered on the AA. Thank you for sharing your rationale for encouraging a truly civil society.